Managing the Noise

There are places on this planet, on this continent, in this country, in this state or province, in this town or city or settlement, in this house or cardboard box or mud hut; that: people, lovers, life, work, friends, family, the establishment, your priest, religion, the media, doctors, lawyers, passions, hobbies, yourself; will tell you how bad you are. Your dumb, your stupid, your disabled, you can’t do it, you suck, you don’t belong here, you freak me out!!!

We all have the negative voices or noise in our lives. How well we manage it is probably one of the best indicators there are to our own potential for “success” whatever that word may mean to you.

People as a whole are very entitled they individually or as groups as sure that they have been told that they can tell you what you can be, what’s expected of you, and what you’ll get for it. Noise Noise Noise. The problem is when you’ve heard the noise so much you replay those messages in your head yourself.

There are models for dealing with noisy people that are both healthy and unhealthy. You could beat them with your white cane, run over them with your wheelchair, run them down with your scooter, empty your colonoscopy bag in their lunch. You could talk to them, you could advocate, you could stand up and tell them that they are unenlightened piss ants, or red neck pieces of shit. Its an awful truth that some people aren’t worth the effort. They are too handicapped by their own lack of vision.

I have to say there are times that a little unhealthy behavior can be highly rewarding. You realize you didn’t accomplish anything in the end but sometimes its nice to be there when the shit goes around and hits that mother fucker in the head, specifically right between the eyes. Since you can’t go through life being bitter and acting out you have choices. The best one is fight the fights you can win, or the ones where you have to or where it will make a difference. Another is to know when to, as they say in poker, know when to fold them, or in football, when to drop back and punt. Finally there is, in the words of James T. Kirk, “Scotty WARP drive”, or in the words of Maverick, “EJECT, EJECT, EJECT, or in the words of Kenny Rogers, “know when to RUN!!!”.

There is another option that you really have no control over. Its the warning klaxon for, “WARNING, WARNING WARNING, Incoming shit seeking missile!!!”. Then all you have left to you is to drop the decoy and break right and head for the deck and hit the after burners. Getting your ass out of Dodge is sometimes very satisfying especially if you can arrange to leave a little surprise behind that does some damage once your gone. Not that your warp jump out of there won’t in itself leave some damage. A small fire or a dint or a scratch in the paint at least.

I’ve given up on some older approaches as its too hard to live with long term. Everywhere you are there will be noise about you and your disability. The “fuck em” approach is O.K. for short lived or one off experiences but the repeated occurrence of your worthless why don’t you go sell pencils in a tin cup? Pencils in a tin cup as I’m blind, or go and massage my ass, or sing me a song blind boy common messages that can occur daily to some degree everyday.

The noise is like a death of a thousand paper cuts one or two, no big deal, a thousand or so or more then you suddenly have an issue. A million cuts and you die. With anything you take the good with the bad. If the good can offset or balance out the bad then perhaps you can deal with the noise. Or if there are things you do to reinforce your good feelings about yourself or there are places you can go to realize your not the weirdest duck in the pond and minimize the pain of the noise. Then the noise can be managed, lived with or you can even thrive with the noise. Those lucky ones of us that have matured to the point where the noise motivates them and spurs then on to action, well I jealous of these folks as I’m not there yet. There are still times I will take up the sword and cut your head off or empty the colostomy bag in your lunch.

The ultimate solution is to quiet and silence the voices inside yourself. To wrestle your own devils and heal. Its hard painful work but nature isn’t kind you have to learn to walk before you can run. Conversely you have to heal before you can achieve your dreams. Not my rules.

The despicable thing is that sometimes the noise makes it so its just not worth it. Its like the donkey stuck with the belligerent rider who is hanging a carrot out in front of your face on one hand and with the other is beating your ass to go and get it. Ultimately when you get stuck its time to move on. Its different than running or “its not worth it”, or dropping back to punt. Choosing to leave a bad context with too much noise is a choice and a choice is always a good thing as is acting from a position of power. No longer are you the victim of the person teasing you with a carrot and beating your ass. When you choose to get up and go and maybe on way out step on the riders foot and for good measure shit on their head, you’ve won. Even if in the short term it might seem your going on to nothing.

The thing that sucks, is once you learn to live and let live. Come to realize that its O.K. that they think that way about you and its O.K. to think their stupid. Then be able to move on without trying to educate them, exact revenge or shit on their head. You’ve grown up. EWWWW.

Hope springs eternal and its not always apparent how but if you loose hope and stay in a situation with too much noise it will rot your soul and become abuse until you start believing the messaging. Your nothing without me, your worthless, your a waist of time, you can’t do nothin!!!! Thats abuse and your in the company of people that don’t give a damn about you. Its time to pick up and move on. Make the choice and take care of you.

Posted in: Employment, Living

About the Author:

Kyle has ocular albinism and has been legally blind since birth. Kyle leads a very active live and is besides his professional career involved in many projects for persons who are different.

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