Intolerance for Intolerance

I don’t have to look far to recognize the things that infuriate me about intolerance; I just have to look in the mirror. I have a total intolerance for intolerance, and I’ve been brutal about it. Popeye has been an inspiration for most of my life, well a sound byte of Popeye’s has been an inspiration, “I am what I am!” I am indeed what I am, that’s it that’s all, no more no less.
Long ago I concluded that if you can’t see the person beyond the disability, then you’re not worth dealing with. I don’t value small minded people, people who’s imagination doesn’t include the possibility that a person with a disability can live life, or contribute. It’s a pretty harsh attitude, isn’t it? In some ways, I’m much harsher than the people I encounter who don’t think I can contribute because of my disability. At least the small minded people will pity me. I won’t give small minded people the time of day, its poof gone, you’re out of there Billy., no second change no chance for reprieve. Unfortunately, this small mindedness is what I hate in others, and I don’t want to be small minded. Being different, being disabled comes with a responsibility to teach, mentor, and advocate. There are days when I don’t want to teach, mentor or advocate, I want to get MAD. Like you, I’m only human and there are times when enough is enough.
I’m learning not to be small minded, and worse to not be intolerant. I’ve taken up a new charge suggested by a friend. Give someone three chances and with each chance wipe the slate clean and start again. After the third occurrence of small mindedness then turn and burn. End it clean, as you know you’ve given it a good change for success, and you’ve attempted to work past your issues with that person and their issues with you. Notice no ask or promise of pity. One of my managers is still and inspiration to me. He opened my eye’s to my own intolerance of others and their limitations. My manager asked me a simple question, “how do you expect others to treat you?” My response was and remained, “I just want a chance to do my thing, disability, or not.”
One of the things I’ve always worried about was the what if people. What if I’d tried again or invested more time, or was true to my responsibility to mentor, and teach. Giving people a chance is cool it will me more options and flexibility. My options for dealing with earlier tense situations are expanded greatly. There will always be the small minded bastards out there. All of us if you’re different, disabled, or not, have to deal with “bastards”. The times that I have to evoke a “your out of there” will be significantly reduced. More often than not there will be opportunities to education, teach and mentor, building bridges, growing trust, fostering relationships, instead of blowing them up. The cool thing is I am opening up a ton of learning opportunities for myself and for others. This is all good.
As I look back in my life the major changes I’ve made and the people who have come and went in my life would change but not drastically. When I’ve made major decisions formerly it’s only after several attempts at changing the context or mentoring and educating. I don’t live to hurt people’s feelings. I am a very loving caring person, and the decisions I make have always been made with the best intent. I think that’s how most of us live, is with good intent.
My only regret is the black and white thinking that my kids were exposed to. One could hypothesize that’s why I’m dead to them now, why I’m not a part of their lives. I’m sure it had something to do with it, but with all things in life I’m sure there’s more to it than that.
For me for now I have a new way of looking at the world. I’ve realized how intolerant I was being, and I’m doing something about it. There is times that indeed I am a bastard, but the last thing I ever want to be is a small minded bastard.