Loss

I know when my disability changes and with age it has. I suspect I abuse my visual capability working as a management consultant with technology but it pays the bills and I have fun. Change is a constant in life and with that comes loss.
When my disability changes its like a death a loss. What is a loss? I’m going to define “loss” as a change in the expected or norm. What does that mean well it means that if you are used to something a certain way and it changes then you are experiencing a loss. Its not that simple. I learned the hard hard way with my divorce that its not only the marriage thats dead. Its the family context its the hopes and dreams you had. Its the context of the relationship you had with your children its your retirement up in smoke. Losing a job a loved one a relationship a job are all losses.
Back to my disability. When my functionality changes its a loss. The best example is when I couldn’t read anymore with out a CCTV or scanning the book and having the computer read it to me. I love love love books. The smell the taste the feel the experience. I loved reading in bed in the bathtub on the road everywhere. Now I can’t. Now until I can transform the book or find an electronic version of the book and use the technology I’m can’t read the book I’m toast I can’t do it.
So there is the ability or capability of reading that I have had to grieve, the change in my functionality because now any reading even reading the computer, the TV, the package at the store, anything has to be assisted, the ability to read anywhere at anytime has to be grieved and so on. Loss is really multidimensional.
Its not that simple
What is your identity is tied up in something. Back to my friend. He has to grieve the loss of his job the huge change in his career the impact its had on his life and his plans for the future. His identity was tied up in his job. How we define ourselves is so important. I’ve had a post drafted on identity for over a year I might now be able to complete it, we’ll see. Who we are what we stand for what feeds us is so important.
I have been feeling bad, my friend tells me that I’m the only one that talks to him this way. I told him I respect him, but I also care for him as a person love him and respect him as a friend. I’ve learned long ago if you can’t be open with the people around you your wasting your time and energy and theirs.
I’ve tried to contextualize my friends loss and help him see the opportunity of his situation. What I’ve learned over my lifetime is the tremendous opportunity I have in been different being disabled. I have the opportunity to know myself and not get caught up in a definition defined by society or others. I used to be my job but not having one or losing one cures that I used to be married I used to be a full time Dad I used to be. None of that defines who I am. None of that exists anymore. My old plans for the future my old dreams all had to be recast, re-dreamed. My disability has taught me and allowed me to be me, and it isn’t easy.