Self Loathing

Its easy when your disabled to blame everything that doesn’t go as you had hoped on the disability, every failure, every failed relationship, work related issues, anything.
The challenge of a disability is to be totally and completely honest with yourself and those around you. I hate being blind sometimes. Not so much anymore but when things go sideways I still have to remind myself that I am a good person and that there are things beyond my disability that cause issues in my life. Being disabled we have the issues of our disability and any other health related issues but also the same; life, love issues with life that everyone else has. Its a work in progress but I’m coming to accept my disability as part of my experience in life. You can too hang in there.
Lying
Being disabled is not an easy thing. There are issues with the disability and in most cases there are other health issues as well. You HAVE to be open and honest about the disability and related conditions. You have to be open and honest with yourself and those around you. If not you’ll be living a lie and you’ll hate yourself. Yourself, not the disability, it’s not the disabilities fault that your having trouble its yours. Starting from a position of openness and honesty is always a position of strength its always something to build from.
Disability
Your disability is what it is. At the end of the day how you deal with your disability defines you and your character. You can get busy living or get busy dyeing. Disabilities are not static states. They change with your journey through life. Having a disability you have to deal with the issues around the disability and the issues of age, disease, injury, etc. Managing your disability is a continual learning experience. What worked yesterday or last year will not always work now or in the future. You have to be flexible adaptable and willing to never stop learning. Managing your disability is a logistics question. For me I can do almost everything a sighted person can. Who care?!!! I can do what I can do and that is my measure. Just because in some things its less than a sighted person might be able to do or more than a sighted person can do, who cares???!!! There are something I shouldn’t do because they’re not safe. There are many things I can do but I have to do them differently. Keep an open mind and keep working at it.
Identity
You’re an interesting person, yourre fascinating, not only because of who you are as a person but what you have to be to manage your disability. Able bodied people speak of disabled people in awe. They do so because they’d struggle with the pain with the logistics with the discrimination. They think were hero’s because they feel they couldn’t live like us. We have to live like us though, through the logistics, the pain, the continually changing conditions of life and our disability. You’re not your disability but your disability does have an impact on your definition of you. Your perception of the world is different your experience of life is different. Rejoice in your uniqueness.
Community
There will be communities of people that want absolutely nothing to do with you because of your disability. There are those that will feel sympathy for, there are those that will help you, there are those that will use you, there are those that will despise you, there are those that will ignore you. Get over it. Everyone has this issue. Conformity is second to being true to yourself and second to being safe, remember safety first. You have to be true to yourself. If you conform you will loose yourself and hate yourself. Remember because you are on the fringe you will be more trusted than those who are members of the group.
I Hate Myself
There will be days where you absolutely hate yourself. You will hate what you can and can’t do because of your disability. You will hate the impact your disability has on the rest of your personal and professional life. You will hate that because of your disability you can’t do what you want to do, can’t go where you want to do, can’t, can’t can’t. There will be those days. I do have “faith” in a universe, a higher being, fate, god. Keep breathing and keep moving forward. If you need to stop and wallow stop and wallow, grieve, stand up, brush yourself off and keep moving forward. If you don’t have faith at least in yourself, find some.
Good Day and Really Bad Days
You will get down on yourself. You will get depressed. Do the work, grieve. Your life your experience in life will be different. Its O.K., no really its O.K., yes occasionally I’m full of “ it” but its O.K. to feel, its O.K. to acknowledge the pain and work through it. Remember those around us, all of them, will experience at some point in their life what you’re experiencing right now. Really, through injury, age, illness, they will all join us as disabled, all of them. Just think at how better prepared you are to deal with the ups and downs of life. Yes, currently you have more issues on your plate than those who are not disabled. Just do it!!. Take care of you and live as good of a life as you can.
The Sky is the Limit
Disabled people are everywhere doing everything people that claim they are not disabled do. The limits you have in your life are imposed by you. You might not go to space, you might not be a pilot, or a firefighter. You can express your passions in new a unique ways. Find them.
Realizing Your Potential
Go for it. I know I acknowledge that there is pain there are issues with logistics and how much energy you have. Self advocate get what you need to do what you want to do. Find out what your passionate about. You’d be surprised that your passion expresses itself in a unique way that you may not have expected because of your self perceived limitations imposed by your disability.