Leap of Faith

 
I’ve always wanted to make my living from my vocal talent.    Seriously I can sing and sing very well.  I’m not an exceptional talent with the ability to write and play another instrument, but I can really sing.     I’ve wanted to for about twenty years record a number of albums.    I sing a number of the songs that Paul Robeson sang.   He’s an extraordinary bass from years gone past, writer, and advocate, all around very inspiring person.    I also sing a number of songs Stan Rogers sang.    I don’t know a lot about Stan I do know he died in a plane fire, someone was smoking in the washroom of a plane and stared a fire.  The plane landed but a lot of people died as the fire had progressed before the plane landed.   Stan got out but went back in to get others out, he never came back out.
 
I love music and I love singing.  I’m so passionate about performing and the impact on people but I also believe that music needs to be performed to remain alive.   There are some wonderful songs of old that are amazing.   They have helped me through my life and I want to share them.    Performing is amazing there is absolutely nothing like it.   In the heat of it it’s like your physical being doesn’t’ exist you’re in perfect synchronization with the universe with time and space.   You as an individual no longer exist you and audience are one and all is right with the world.
 
When I started looking into recording I was told a budget for a demo project would be about ten thousand dollars and a release quality package for a CD or record would be minimum twenty five thousand.    I want to do at least four projects.     I was staring at about one hundred thousand of investments to get these projects done.
 
I recognize at the end of the day that a fish has to eat.   Its understandable that studio musicians and studio time cost money. It’s been hard to find others who are passionate about the music at the love of performing it.    I’m not asking anyone to work for free by any stretch but it’s hard to have a conversation with someone when the first sentence is, “what is your budget”.     Having never done a project end to end I don’t really know.    Then there is the release of a product the marketing etc., which is at least double the production costs.   It’s all very daunting.    There is so much talent out there that will be limited in its ability to express itself because and only because it’s so expensive and hard to do.  I’m not expecting to be the next top pop star or to make any money off of any of these projects.   If I could brighten someone’s day or share the love and passion for the music that would be enough.    Unfortunately it’s hard to pay the bills on love.
 
Technology has changed all of this.   The price points for recording audio and video at “professional” quality has significantly dropped.    I am currently equipped to do 4K video and high resolution audio, that’s not the problem.    The problem is finding people to play with to collaborate with to do anything.    I don’t know how to do all the bits and pieces to do all the cool projects I want to do.    I can twiddle the dials and make some cool things but I don’t know enough to put the whole picture together
 
 
In recent years I’ve started exploring voice over work and voice acting.   Voicing commercials or voice acting for animation could be a ton of fun.   I’ve participated in a few courses and workshops and have done a few projects, but I’ve not been able to create any real momentum.    I feel like I’m on the outside looking in but can’t see anything.  I’m out here banging on the glass but no one is listening.   I know I need to evolve my approach, I’m just not sure how.
 
Through all of this I’ve been investing in technology to record.   I’ve created the full meal deal studio and it’s all mobile.    I can put my whole studio on a truck and be ready to go at a new location in a number of hours.     The investment has been so substantial that I might as well have outsourced the original 4 projects I wanted to do.    I would have the completed CD’s and could have rationalized and justified any further investment.    No use continuing to sing if no one wants to listen.   Regardless, I will never stop singing for me.
 
I’ve left myself in a predicament I’ve made myself a poser.  I have the big motor bike the leathers the helmet but I’m not a biker.   It’s like a blind man owning a pimped out motor bike and getting dressed up in the leathers just to stand next to it.   That dog an’t gonna hunt.    Like the people that get dressed up to get drunk and stupid at the Calgary Stampede I’m nothing more than a drug store cowboy.
 
I built it and no one came.   I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go.   Quandary, what to do..
In the Information Technology field I’m a brilliant networker and am brilliant at bringing a team of people together to get something cool done.   I make investments in technology to enable my work. I am trying to follow the same strategy in voice but so far no luck. In the voice over or music field I don’t have a clue, I’ve not been able to cross the threshold of enlightenment.    So I’m going back to school.
 
Going back to school is no small thing.    I have bills, a mortgage, people that depend on me.     Every attempt to date at formal education has been an unmitigated disaster for me.   We’re talking serious smoking hole impact creator on the asteroid, glorious disaster.    Yes I did walk away from them, and with some luck and a ton of hard work I’ve established an awesome career.   A career where I’m pretty damn accomplished with.   I’ve survived Information Technology though, yes I’ve done very well and you could argue that I’ve thrived.  I am one of those very sick people that needs to perform and I’ve medicated myself through presenting solutions, facilitating meetings, listening to people to keep myself sane.   I need to perform through broadcast, voice over, voice acting, or singing I need to impact peoples days.  Sharing a story or a laugh.   The human condition is fascinating it brings all of us to the water hole and gives us the opportunity to drink.   What I’m trying to say is that we all have our opportunity to peruse our passions.   My time is now.
 
I think about life like I’m doing a very technical climb on a mountain.    I love those moments in life where you’re hanging by the tips of your fingers and the ends of your toes.   You’re at a point in the climb where it’s time to jump to another rock face to continue the journey.   It’s an all or nothing move.  No guarantee of success no safety net should you miss or slip and end up falling.    When I look at what being disabled has taught me as a person, it is to live.   Being alive and living is like that moment on the climb when you have to have trust in yourself your abilities and take the leap of faith.     When you’re disabled you don’t have a choice.   I can’t settle for second best I can’t chose a survival job to get through life.  I have to go out and do.   Just Do It is my motto.   And keep doing it until you achieve your goals or find a way to achieve them.   I can’t live or do things like others.   There is a constant challenge for me to find a way that works for me to make it happen.    Thankfully I’m an extraordinary problem solver, it’s what I do to live.
 
Going to school will mean that I have to face my dragons of old and figure out how to be successful.   If you ask me how I’m going to do it I’ll tell you, “It’s a Mystery”.   I have absolutely no idea.   I have to work and balance school how is still a mystery to me.     I’m praying hard, taking care of myself, establishing my support system, ensuring I have the technology.     I’m ready to rumble.   I’m gathering my strength, taking those cleansing breaths, clearing my mind and focusing on the task at hand.   I’ve mustered my faith and I’m going to take the leap.  I have absolutely no idea what’s next.    I thank God that I’m alive.