A2

 
A very long time ago I worked for Health Canada and spent a lot of time in Ottawa Ontario for work.   I was away from home one December, my kids were very young.    The kids mother asked that I do the Christmas shopping in Ottawa as there wasn’t any time left before I came home.     If I recall I think this was the horrible year when we took the kids to see Santa when I came home from Ottawa and they were too tired and were asleep for their Christmas photo.    I travelled too much for work when my kids were young and I regret it.   There are some many things i wish I was there for and so many things I wish we could have done together.     I love my children very much.    If I could I’d do things differently.
 
In Ottawa I was scrambling around the Rideau Centre looking for gifts.   I was walking through the Bay and seen a bear.    The Bay was selling jeans and the bear was part of the promotion to sell the jeans.   I forget if you had to buy jeans to get the bear for free but I was able to buy the bear for $10.     The jeans were branded “Attitude” and the label was on the back of the bear said “Attitude”.
 
Christmas is one of my favourite times of year and I loved spoiling my kids.    I’ve never been great at showing love and using other love languages.    When I needed to express love for my kids I’d buy them something.   Not particularly healthy and my daughter is now teaching me other love languages which is good.    I always wanted a piles of presents around the tree for my kids.
 
This bear “Attitude” Id picked up in Ottawa, I’d assumed, given the other things that I’d picked up for my daughter would be an appreciated present but not a life long significant one.    Its ironic I have no idea what other gifts she received that year. My daughter loved “Attitude” like no other child has loved a toy.  She made the bear cloths made her a bed, spent significant time playing with, sleeping with and generally loving the stuffing out of her.  Chanis at one point had to make new cloths for Attitude as its outfit was worn thread bare.
 
If you’ve been reading you know my horror of a divorce and separation from my kids.   This isn’t about that so….
 
A few years ago Chanis was in a terrible house fire and was lucky to escape with her life.   Attitude was very damaged and although restored Attitude isn’t the same.   I prayed and searched and prayed and searched to find another Attitude bear to not replace the original Attitude but supplement her.    I don’t understand the terrible impact of a fire and the loss of property and memories as I’ve never lived through a fire.    On one visit last year it was very emotional for Chanis to see some things I had that reminded her of her childhood.   Chanis is my daughter and I love her.
 
I have a new love in my life and she till last week ran a bed and breakfast in Calgary.   Its now becoming the Bergum boarding house.   My new partner loves teddy bears as I do.  While we were cleaning the bed and breakfast I walked by a garbage bag full of bears.    I looked down and recognized “Attitude”!!!!    How I have absolutely no idea all I could see was the bears butt as Attitude was in the bag upside down with its butt hanging out.    All I could yell was “Oh My God, Oh My God!!!”    I asked my partner if I could have the bear to give it to Chanis.   Originally and rightly so as it had meaning for her as well she said no.   I told her the story of Attitude and my partner changed her mind.
 
Prayers are funny things Its all about listening but they are answered.  I have my daughter back in my life and now with a new Attitude I’ve been able to give her some of her childhood back.    Not the old Attitude but a new Attitude.