Happy Fathers Day

I haven’t celebrated fathers day in a while. The journey has not afforded me the opportunity to have a father to celebrate with or children to celebrate with me.
 
This has been an interesting year of shifting sands old lives new lives visitors into that maze. This spring has been crazy. Moving from a very cool condo to a house that was unhealthy then having to move again. Health has been a major theme this spring. The first house had a sewage leak before I moved in. I wish I’d brought a sighted person to view the property before I rented it. There was shit on the walls. I smelled something thought it was old sweat from someone weight lifting or exercising in the basement.
 
Allergies have been horrific this year. Another year of many hospital visits, know the names of the triage and emerge nurses at two of the hospitals here. Things are stabilizing. The second house was problematic, dog hair. Still decontaminating. Its a process. The dog has a new home on the farm. I think my days of wanted another guide dog are over. If I was to ever get a guide again it would have to be hyper allergenic.
 
During all of this my daughter moved back and attempted to live with me. Didn’t work out so well. I’ve learned a lot mind you so not an entire waste. I can’t live with smokers. Allergies and asthma won’t allow it. Parent child relationships go though extreme turmoil during and after divorce. There is a brilliant book, check out my amazon store and buy it, explains the issues and the process of divorce and its impact on kids and parents and the relationships. My daughter moved back and wanted to be parented, never did figure out what that meant. I realized that the person she was and the person I was when we parted no longer exist. Due to my health issues with her smoking and my perspective on her life at 19 it was better we parted ways. I’m not an enabler and I want to be healthy. I do love my children have’t finished the book yet so I have no clue on how to build any kind of connect with them. At this point in time I’m relived to be kidless again.
 
When your brought up to hide something, in my case a disability. People get to know you as the facade the fake storefront the paint on a pig, they don’t get to know you. When you stop pretending or i my case come out blind. People will only focus on the issue that you stopped hiding. They won’t take the time to get to know you. Its fascinating to me to realize that before I cane out blind people loved the fairy tale, afterwards people distain the blindness. Not many have really taken the time to get to know me. I’m cool really. I love life and love people, really. There are days I wonder believe me.
 
At this juncture there are two people who’ve I’ve mentored that I feel like I could celebrate fathers day with. They have given me a great gift of allowing me to participate in their lives and share what I’ve learned along the way. To them, I am thankful. I am also working on building a new family, its hard work and not easy. I’m told the best things in life are hard. Well this had better be great cause its hard. I’ll keep you posted.
 
By the way, Happy Fathers Day.