Living

Cancer

Cancer

For me cancer still carries the death sentence stigma. My generation has seen many advances in the care of cancer and the outcome of a cancer diagnosis has changed significantly in the last several years. Recently I had my first one degree of separation encounter with cancer. I learned a lot and there are many […]

By November 9, 2015 Read More →
Leap of Faith

Leap of Faith

  I’ve always wanted to make my living from my vocal talent.    Seriously I can sing and sing very well.  I’m not an exceptional talent with the ability to write and play another instrument, but I can really sing.     I’ve wanted to for about twenty years record a number of albums.    I sing a number […]

By September 2, 2014 0 Comments Read More →
A2

A2

  A very long time ago I worked for Health Canada and spent a lot of time in Ottawa Ontario for work.   I was away from home one December, my kids were very young.    The kids mother asked that I do the Christmas shopping in Ottawa as there wasn’t any time left before […]

Bah Humbug!!!

Bah Humbug!!!

I hate Christmas!! Well that’s not true. I in fact I love Christmas!!! I love bells and the lights the sounds the energy the joy. I totally love singing Christmas carols!! Oh did I mention I really really miss my Grandma’s Pink Popcorn Balls. I’ve even played Santa at a few corporate events in the […]

Shaving

Shaving

I love a good shave. I love the experience of having an experienced barber shave me. There is nothing like it. I had a father and son team of barbers. I would let the son cut my hair but I’d only let the father shave me. The father was fantastic. He’d wash your face then […]

The Blind Way

The Blind Way

Many people think I am inflexible. That its my way or the highway. That I am a hard nosed SOB. Its too funny I was talking with someone recently and they finally put it into stark contrast for me. Actually explaining it to them put it into stark contrast for me. The Blind Way Podcast […]

Crutch

Crutch

“Don’t use your visual disability as a crutch!!” Although I know it can be a razor blades edge occasionally. Everything in my life is impacted by my disability. My character, my personality, my intellect, my emotional maturity etc.. When things go wrong sometimes its hard to keep perspective. Sometimes its hard not to blame everything […]

Taker

Taker

I was sharing the day with my lovely darling wife on the weekend walking around Heritage Park in Calgary. It was a very cold very fun day. My wife is a reader. Not always the best thing for a living museum in the cold but at least you get the low down on everything. Not […]

Seeing In Latency

Seeing In Latency

I take a TON of pictures. I went to Calgary recently to spend Canadian Thanksgiving with my family of friends and I took over 350 pictures. Thank god I don’t have to pay for developing 10 rolls of film. I take the pictures so I can see the details of a scene later on. So […]

Gripper

Gripper

If you’ve been reading I am a bit bitter. Grip Grip Grip. Being off work for so long over eight months takes its toll. I’m bitter that I couldn’t find a gig where I was. I’m bitter since it felt that because of the market and my disability I wasn’t getting jobs. I’m bitter I […]

Lookin Good Dude!!

Lookin Good Dude!!

I’ve been frustrated with the vernacular and the meaning of the words your handsome or you look good.   It doesn’t really mean anything to me.   My identity my physical identity is different.  I can’t see my body.   My physicalness is defined for me in feeling not sight.    My perception of myself is based on feeling […]

Ignoramus Swine

Ignoramus Swine

I was in the coffee shop the other day used the toilet and on the way out walked past someone telling a blind joke. Some nonsense about a supposed drunk driver who turned out to be blind. I was offended. Humor is an interesting nemonic. It can inform teach reduce stress or injure. I too […]

Death Till Us Part

Death Till Us Part

I have come to appreciate the dramatic differences in my culture of blindness and the sighted world.   The reference points the words the subtlety is very different.  The denotations might be the same or similar but the connotations are very different. For instance what is beauty?    To a sighted person it may be a physical […]

Oh Canada

Oh Canada

I know have an opinion on where it is best to be disabled. I know from recent experiences that discrimination legislation in Canada particularly western Canada is still in flux. What that means is that your experience for accommodation and protection under the law if you have a disability will vary. From my experience in […]

Embarassed

Embarassed

I get crazy embarrassed when I mess up because of my vision. It really has an impact on me. When I make a “visual” error It affects my self esteem my intelligence everything. I turn to mush. I punish myself. I shouldn’t but I do. I have to generally stop what I’m doing reset and […]

Strabismus Surgery Update

Strabismus Surgery Update

Its been a few weeks now since my surgery, I feel great. The pain was significantly less than I had expected I have been pleasantly surprised. I’m trying to get glasses post surgery since that’s how this whole journey started. Glasses are a separate adventure. The surgery went great. My post surgical appointment was flawless. […]

I’m Not Doing This to Hurt You

I’m Not Doing This to Hurt You

There was an article on CNN today about transgender issues. The person in the picture was holding up a sign that stated “I’m Not Doing This to Hurt You”. I have often in my life felt this way. Especially in my family of origin but also with others. I’m not this way I didn’t chose […]

Family Devestated

Family Devestated

I am working on a social model for acceptance of disability, integration, impact on social groups such as families, etc. In the thinking I’m doing I look at my own family experience. Disability has devastated my family experience. I know from my life experience that a lot of families are a miss mash mess but […]

The Risk of Being an Angry Blindman

The Risk of Being an Angry Blindman

CNN has provided much inspiration for my writing recently. There was a headline recently about Obama in the context of the BIG oil spill. A lot of people want Obama to get mad and kick some butt. When your a member of a “group” of people be it a color creed or disability you are […]

Urine

Urine

I love the way the english pronounce urine it comes out like “your-ine” it used to piss off one of my managers, who was english, as I’d laugh every time he said urine. Little boys and their humour I know. I’m convinced that my old manager just capitulated and said it occasionally to manage my […]

Blessed

Blessed

A few years ago I went through some very hard times coming out blind then going back into the closet. I had a guide dog for a while and pray that that blessing will happen again. There are so many things that a guide does for you, companionship, safety, security, inclusion, its amazing. Then my […]

Potentually Interesting

Potentually Interesting

We all struggle with our vacation destinations. We’ll here’s mine, a restaurant that provides a culinary experience giving the dinner a since of what it is to be blind. We are all looking for experiences that enlighten us and delight us. Food in the dark might be very interesting. As long as the experience includes […]

Blind Mistakes

Blind Mistakes

Every now and then I make a mistake directly attributed to my disability. I still find to this day that my initial emotion is humiliation and a self loathing and emotional beating that would kill any mere mortal or a bull elephant. Its physical equivalent is like getting kicked very hard in the balls. You […]

Calm the Beast

Calm the Beast

My grandpa was amazing, staring his live on the bald prairie living in a teepee and finishing his life in a growing city. I can’t imagine the range of experiences the things he seen changed and the things that were for worse and for better. My Grandpa was a simple man he worked hard, he […]

Alienation

Alienation

I’ve wanted to write about this for some time but its been very emotional. I often wonder what kind of person would tell my kids that I’m bad, or I don’t love them, or I won’t be there for them? My parents have consciously and willfully interfered with my relationship with my children. My parents […]

Collaberation @ Work

Collaberation @ Work

I come across as hugely un-collaborative at work.  It isn’t my intent and it is one of the reasons why I am open about my blindness.    I can’t pretend anymore about my abilities or in some people’s opinion bizarre behavior.  It takes too much energy to attempt to appear sighted. I am convinced of a […]

Proving Yourself

Proving Yourself

Have you ever heard the statement that more is never enough. When I look around today. I see the marketing message to all of us and its really driven at making us unhappy or discontent with our current state. You need more to be loved accepted and have friends and if you don’t have it […]

No Accommodation Necessary

No Accommodation Necessary

After all of my bitching and moaning about being back in Alberta, Canada I think I can finally articulate what is pissing me off. There is talk of accommodation but no consideration for what works for me. Only what works for others, or only what is the cheapest for the company. I am expected to […]

Assisted Living

Assisted Living

People often wonder, including close friends and family, how disabled am I really. I’ve been scorned and ridiculed for wanting to live with someone. Selfishly having someone there significantly enhances my functionality. Broadens the experiences available to me, and significantly simplifies my logistics. I try to live my life as high functioning as possible. I […]

Logistics & Accomidation

Logistics & Accomidation

Its almost embarrassing how such a little thing can make such a big deal in your life. They closed my commuter train station that I use to get to work. Don’t laugh this is a big deal.. Logistics for an activity are paramount it determines whether you can participate in that activity or do the […]

Managing the Noise

Managing the Noise

There are places on this planet, on this continent, in this country, in this state or province, in this town or city or settlement, in this house or cardboard box or mud hut; that: people, lovers, life, work, friends, family, the establishment, your priest, religion, the media, doctors, lawyers, passions, hobbies, yourself; will tell you […]

How Much Can I See?

How Much Can I See?

This is a question that won’t go away. The easy answer is I can’t see shit, but as fun and flippant that response it isn’t very informative. Formal visual acuity measurement is 20/200 corrected on a good day, even though this is a formal measurement of visual acuity with a recognized measurement scale to you […]

Amazon.com Second Thoughts

Amazon.com Second Thoughts

Amazon.com was my hero. I used to buy everything through them, seriously what ever I wanted I’d go to Amazon.com first. If they had what I was looking for they’d get the business. This passionate loyalty extended to books, until recently. Reading is a BIG freaking deal. I can’t read text in printed form anymore, […]

Angels Among Us

Angels Among Us

ran my first marathon a couple of years ago in Calgary.   I chose Calgary for my first marathon because I grew up there. I didn’t want to be worrying about where was I and where was I supposed to be going.   My knowledge of the city took my disability out of the equation.   I could […]

Gym

Gym

I hated gym I hated it all through school.  I ended up hating jocks.  Those SOB’s who do they think they are being able to do those things.    Who were those guys running down the track jumping those hurdles?   Man those things hurt…. Baseball runs in my family’s blood.  My dad played just below the […]

I Love Shopping

I Love Shopping

The internet has made available to me everything I could ever want.  I have purchased almost everything off of the web even a house.     I did have a trusted friend confirm the property was what I would want but I hadn’t seen it before the deal was closed. I Love Shopping Podcast Malls in a […]

Family

Family

It’s very hard for your family when you’re born with a disability.   There is the whole set of issues around what did we do wrong why do we deserve this why is god punishing us.   Then they have to deal with what and how will this baby grow up and make its way in the […]

Groups

Groups

For all of us inclusion of some manner in a group is comforting. People’s thinking seems to be focused around categorization. We all need a hole to fit into be it round or square its kind of up to us as individuals. Sometimes how you fit a square peg in a round hole is with […]

Its Crunch Time

Its Crunch Time

In these tough economic times people with disabilities are going to take a huge hit. I read an article today that governments are thinking of canceling the death penalty to save money. You know if you have a disability that your screwed when the death row dude is going to live because they can’t afford […]

Head Out of Sand

Head Out of Sand

My parents had a couple of great sayings that really help me out to this day. Being disabled you can get caught up in yourself to the exclusion of all else. You can live in your own little world. You can also fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself. Head out of Sand […]

Groups II

Groups II

Some additional thoughts came to mind after I wrote about groups previously. I was listening to the Vinyl Cafe a radio show from the CBC in Canada. Its very comical following the exploits about Dave. Dave owns a used record store in small town no where Canada and the radio play follows Dave’s trials and […]

Run Me Down

Run Me Down

A fellow in a truck almost ran me down the other day. I tapped on his truck to get his attention and he started telling me how he was going to insert my white cane in an orifice of mine. I’ve done it as well when I do something I know I’m in the wrong […]

No One is an Island

No One is an Island

With the current economic times God has taken the opportunity to remind me that no ones stands alone. No one is an island. I have always been grossly independent. Historically if you tried to help me I’d crush you like a bug for your generosity. I’d take offense be offensive and stand in admiration at […]

Artists Way

Artists Way

Its become apparent to me that one has to take care of themselves to be able to create. I have the “Artists Way” book but have never gone through it. I haven’t scanned it. But when I am under stress or I’m upset. I can’t write and I can’t record. Sucks. It continues to surprise […]

I Wish You’d Told Me

I Wish You’d Told Me

I wish you’d shared with me. I’m suffering for your ignorance and pride. Who do you think your kidding not talking about your disability not sharing with others in your family impacted by the same disability you have. Who are you not to admit that you are blind like me. Throughout our lives we are […]

I Admit It!!!

I Admit It!!!

O.K.. I admit it. I’m bitter. The worst economic meltdown in my lifetime absolutely. I’m so sick and tired of not being considered for a job because I don’t have a degree. I had a choice when I was going to school. The ophthalmologist told me your sight or a degree. It was a very […]

Desperation

Desperation

I now know why they call it a depression. Deep recession, recession, global economic disaster whatever. I’m going to call it a depression. We are not out of this thing yet. I don’t care what spin the governments are putting on things. Call me the crazy man yelling the sky is falling. We are in […]

The Hardest Choice

The Hardest Choice

Having children without the issue of a genetic disorder is daunting decision. Society is unkind to men and woman who choose not to have children. Parents, friends, apply a ton of pressure to have children. I’ve seen many people who don’t want children spend most of their life single as the pressure from society to […]

Im Still Here

Im Still Here

Its been a long long time since I’ve posted anything on the blog.    I’ve kind of lost my voice.  I don’t know what to say.   I had some weirdo provide some feedback on the blog and Its kind of taken the wind out of my sails. The movie Milk provided some inspiration to write again.   […]

Pain

Pain

I would not wish pain on anyone.    I found out when my ankle was rebuilt that I have crushed vertebra L4 and L5 and messed up the disk between them.   I am relived that now I have understanding of the pain and illness I have experience but have not been able to resolve for most […]