The Blind Man and Sex

Every now and then I like to take a look at the search terms people are using to find the blog. Its the first time I’ve ever seen “Blind Men and Sex”, it very much made me smile.

I’m WRONG in all the RIGHT ways!!! I think a sighted man would suck at sex not that I know personally. Any woman I’ve ever discussed sex or the act of sex, or lovemaking with has ALWAYS complained!!! “WHAT THE FACE thats it!!!???” And they’re not talking size. Most woman I’ve talked to about sex all are militantly out for themselves to take care of their own carnal needs. Woman have to be creative to get their needs met. Woman have to be as the men they’ve experienced are just in it to get their own rocks off and go watch the game and drink a beer. Before a woman can blink a man has shot the load. There are very few sighted men who could be classified as sensual or “lovers”. There are few of my make friends who are male that I would classify as sensual and whom had the potential to be a great lover, I’m just saying. Then of course a lot of woman I’ve known have had to resort to the old battery powered pleasure tools. Who said woman aren’t into power tools?

Being blind I can tell you that I run off of another set of signals. People accuse me of being able to read minds, I tell them hardly I don’t read minds at all I just listen. Isn’t that the key to being a GREAT lover, listening? Isn’t the act of lovemaking something that potentially climaxes with penetration and orgasm? That statement is only half true. With age we all won’t be able to do the freaky freaky like a twenty year old. Penetration might be out of the question for all kinds of medical reasons. Isn’t the most important sex organ our brain, the brain in our fat heads. The head on top of our shoulders just in case you were wondering. The physicalness we share with our lovers is about the connection with that other person. Not the exchange of bio fluids.

I like to think I’m making love to my wife all the time; When I tell her I love her, and I tell her I love her at least 100 times a day and I mean it every time. When I support her in her passions. When I deal with her shit, and especially when she deals with mine. When I surprise her with flowers or chocolate. When I listen to her jokes, even when she’s the only one that thinks she’s funny. When we talk. When we cook for each other, or cook together. When we hold each other. When we kiss each other. When we bath each other, and when we occasionally do the freaky freaky act of making love. I’m making love to my wife. I love her dearly I’ve truly been blessed with my best friend and the love of my life.

Sexual maturity isn’t inhibited by disability. Our attitudes about ourselves are very much shaped by those around us, especially if you are dependent in any way on those people around you. If those people want to protect you from life you will very likely be delayed in your sexual development. I’m not as sexually mature as I’d like to be. The people I grew up with wanted me to be asexual or non sexual. I suppose there is some motivation, when you disability is genetic and can be passed on to the children you have, there is motivation to keep you have having those children in the first place. In Alberta where I’m living currently up until the 1970‘s it was common medical practice to sterilize disabled people at birth or shortly there after. I must have been too cute to cut. My family went so far as to blatantly lie to me about their knowledge of the transmission of our disability. Ignorance in this context is a lie and when I started telling people how it worked I was expunged, expelled, rejected and labelled toxic. Don’t touch with a ten foot pole. It is true kill the messenger.

My introduction to sex was traumatic. There were amazing amazing delights but emotionally I wasn’t ready for any of it. At the end of those relationships I didn’t connect with anyone sexually for a couple of years. I really didn’t have much of a choice the bitches I went to high school with picked a spokes woman who informed me that there is no “fucking” way there would be any “fucking” with me. In the isolation I was raised in and left to in school it took me longer to grow emotionally to deal with all the signals. I wasn’t ready and had to fill in the gaps on my own. Being disabled and “protected” from the world meant that I had to seek outside my family for parenting to understand life. I classify my poet aunt as a mother as well as a couple of life mentors I’ve had during my life. I am parented by a community of mothers and fathers not by my biological one/s. My bio parents think to this day that I can’t live my life competently I shouldn’t have had children and I only get my jobs because I’m blind.

I love watching people and for a long time I was delusional in saying I watch woman just in case I go totally blind. Damn if I’m looking at a woman its because I’m a man, a passionate blind man at that!!! I’m a disabled man yes and there are sexual things I can’t do or that scare me because of my lack of vision. I don’t understand the visual interplay and interactions. One of the nice things about having a guide dog was all he cleavage you get to be close enough to to see. Woman thankfully love dogs. How I have most successfully found people to date and my darling wife is on the internet. I can get my face close enough to the see the screen. In this world to there is a large community that will not interact with you once they find out you are disabled. On one internet journey to find a new mate I had a large number of woman disengage with me once I disclosed my disability. My rule, disclose your disability in your profile. That way you won’t have to deal directly with the losers that ultimately as I’ve discussed in this soliloquy to stupid to know that they’re missing out. I’m not trying to pick on woman. As a population I think men are worse. When a woman is disabled or becomes disabled or is too old they are cast off, upgraded, replaced. I know this happens both ways but in general I think men are bastards more so than woman in this regard.

Logistically though once I’m past any inhibitions I have or my partner has the sexual passion I have is very much like anyone else, I’m guessing as we are all different. Probably not a safe assumption as I don’t need no little blue pill to do my thing with my love. There are some disabilities and all of us ultimately with age are going to have to come to terms with genitalia that don’t function, “normally”. Even with the little blue pill. High Sex is all about the connection not the penetration. Talk to an old person about sex, yes they are still having sex, dirty bastards. The over 50 crowd is the fastest growing segment of the population with sexually transmitted diseases.

Once the nonsense of procreation is out of the way what on earth is the point of sex. We’ll the easy answer is it feels good. O.K. I’ll grant you that but masturbation with or without power tools feels pretty good too. Isn’t it all about the shared experience? Why do you think people that rent sex like to keep renting it from the same person. No matter how lonely or desperate for connection we become, good sex is not sex for sex’s sake its about the connection with another person.

I’m not one of those blind perverts that you see walking around with their hands out in front of themselves trying to cup a feel. I will never pay for sex I can pleasure myself much better than a rental. For me I have my physical logistics worked out more or less for the love life I want. I was shocked, yes really shocked, that when you find the love of your life you don’t look at people the same way. Including looking at woman like your shopping at Wal-Mart for your next lay.

If you are in a position to initiate or be with a person with disability, do it with honesty sincerity and love. If your looking for some other ego fix look somewhere else please. Do the world a favor go and get some counseling, grow up and get over your bad self. I personally can’t use a male model for sex. Its easy men have a direct connection from their eye’s to their penis. Since my penis and my eyes are both blind I need something a bit more sophisticated, I use a hybrid female male mode. It works for me.

I love my wife and I love our love life because of the friendship and love that we have. Ultimately we, all of us we, will have to learn to be sensual aroused and connected to our parter when our bodies don’t do the wild kinky things we thought was sex. Sticking your dick in a hole a connection doesn’t make, not even necessarily a satisfying experience for either of you.

I do think a person with a disability could be a better lover than a non disabled person. Ultimately in my opinion a sensual person a person, disabled or not, who experiences the world love and life with all of their senses would be the best lover. Something to think about as your blinded by your sight. All of us mature at a different rate disability can interfere with sexual and emotional development. The level of impact or delay is directly proportional to how protected the disabled person is and how isolated the disabled person is from the social world.

Am I tooting my own horn, only in jest but, you’ll never know. What can I say blind men make better lovers.

Posted in: Sex
Kyle Bergum

About the Author:

Kyle has ocular albinism and has been legally blind since birth. Kyle leads a very active live and is besides his professional career involved in many projects for persons who are different.

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