Love is a very Fickle Pickle

I’ve struggled over the years with “who would ever want me”.  The movie “The Horse Whisperer” did the best job I’ve ever seen of showing the emotions and feelings I have struggled with about feeling lovable.   Self value has been difficult for me.  Why would a really cool person want me….

Love is a Very Fickle Pickle Podcast

I like to think I’m a wonderful lover. My priority is my partners pleasure and only after that nirvana state has been achieved for her is it my turn. I love to give and receive affection. I am profoundly passionate but I love to be in love for the passion to mean something. Not a good casual lover. A meaningful connection is too important to me.

I strive to find a partner inter-dependency not co-dependency. I really do want to “share” my life with someone. I want to share my dreams and share in my partners dreams.

People automatically think that you are dependent or needy once you disclose your disability. I’ve heard mothers say to their daughters “honey you didn’t sign up to be his guide dog”. More often or not I’m the one taking care of them. I’ve even heard “isn’t it so nice you dating one of those”.

The other pitfall is people that want to take care of you. I already have a mother thank you and no offense to my Mom but one is enough thank you very much.

I have made the mistake of thinking I had to settle for someone who is in need.  I’m an expert at finding people with family of origin issues or personal trauma that hasn’t been managed or healed. I have found a lot of adult children, worse are angry adult children (dragons), looking for love.

Like everyone else I’ve been used and abused deceived and taken advantage of. Being disabled doesn’t imply good people need only apply.

The nice thing is with age I have become much more comfortable with myself. I’ve worked through my family of origin issues and the issues of personal acceptance of my disability. Don’t think I’m implying that I’m done working on my own issues I’m not. If people ask I have a laundry list of issues remaining. It’s not been easy. My approach is at this point is to be patient. Connections happen all the time and new people are always coming into my life. It will happen when it happens.

The conclusion I’ve come to with the mileage, age and experience, is character is the key. When you link up with someone it’s all smiles and roses but over time a leopard will always show its spots. One must be patient to see the leopard and deal with the real person as opposed to the superficial facade which will rot and fall down.

I’m tired of looking for love in all the wrong places.

Posted in: Dating

About the Author:

Kyle has ocular albinism and has been legally blind since birth. Kyle leads a very active live and is besides his professional career involved in many projects for persons who are different.

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