Taker

I was sharing the day with my lovely darling wife on the weekend walking around Heritage Park in Calgary. It was a very cold very fun day. My wife is a reader. Not always the best thing for a living museum in the cold but at least you get the low down on everything. Not a bad thing. Did I mention it was Freaking COLD!!!

We were cruising off of main street and we came across a couple a woman in a wheel chair and her “taker”. I don’t know for sure what he was to her but he obviously had “taken” her to Heritage park. It was a bit of a perverse thought thinking hey why don’t we take our “takers” for coffee.

Its always interesting when I come across other people with disabilities in public. I want to stop them and talk to them. I suppose that a bit weird. Hey nice to see your brave enough to come out in public. Or hey you escaped the institution too. Coming out in public can be such a fatiguing experience. Its tiring being the side show at the circus.

One horses bum kicked my white cane the other day. I hit him with my cane and waited for him to make a scene. He was smart enough to walk away. Would have been fun sighted ass hole yelling at the dog poking blind man. Thank god I’ve mellowed, when I was younger it was fun to provoke and fight it out verbally. I have to admit there is nothing more exhilarating that a yelling frustrated sighted person.

Its great to be independent but most days I am happy with interdependent. I need a “taker” someone who takes me here or there. I need someone in my life or I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I do. A Taker a baker a candle stick maker. I don’t know what to call this role or this person. I am so lucky that I have this in one person. For the most part my wife is my sighted “taker” who takes me places does things with me. Provides companionship. Touches me. Touch is so important to know someone is there. I can see people but I do get so lonely. My wife holding my hand or touching me is reassuring.

I can’t take care of my banking. I suck at shopping It would cost so much more money if I was on my own. My choices and chances for doing things and my energy for working work be much different if I didn’t have someone with me.

I know my children my daughter in particular wanted to be my taker. It was such a huge rejection for her when I told her I wanted her to have a life and not to have to take care of me. She may have taken things too literally as she is now living somewhere else. Not exactly what I was hoping for. But if she is happy I’m happy.

Its a pain in the ass to be a “taker”. I know this having gone through a number of woman who thought they wanted the job. Some thought I was looking for enmeshment hardly some thought hey great opportunity to control and use this to feel better about themselves. Not a good balance. All these scenarios are terribly unhealthy for both parties and I am so happy to be away from these particular people. As I’m sure they are glad to be away from me.

Personally I prefer a small group of takers. I tried the group thing and its too much energy and work to keep the group going. I like to focus on one or two maybe three but beyond that, one taker at a time please.

I know my “taker” needs time away from me to do her thing. Honestly we both do. But its so nice to come back together and be wanted and interdependent. The great thing is my taker is my wife.

Posted in: Living
Kyle Bergum

About the Author:

Kyle has ocular albinism and has been legally blind since birth. Kyle leads a very active live and is besides his professional career involved in many projects for persons who are different.

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