Lookin Good Dude!!

I’ve been frustrated with the vernacular and the meaning of the words your handsome or you look good.   It doesn’t really mean anything to me.   My identity my physical identity is different.  I can’t see my body.   My physicalness is defined for me in feeling not sight.    My perception of myself is based on feeling not how I look.   There are few parts of my body I can see unless I take pictures and I’m not really willing to go there.  To see my face I have to get within two inches of a mirror.

Being feeling rather than seeing with your body image is problematic.    I am like the three year old that covers their eyes and thinks they are invisible.    There are many times I feel invisible.   But I’m not. My problem is I have presence and LOTS of it.    I couldn’t blend in if I tried and that has absolutely nothing to do with the blindness.     It allows me to be a better than average singer  and actor..   Well I think so anyway. Then there is the blindness.  Carrying a “stick” or white cane in public draws attention.   Having a guide dog actually creates chaos sometimes.   To be honest having a guide dog made others more accessible to me. When they would come up and want to pet the dog. I got close enough to see them. Yes even the pretty girls. “Absolutely you can pet my dog!!!”

This year I was married three times.    Once legally the other two emotional and ceremonial.   The legal one I was business casual not a big deal I understand that model.   I am a casual laid back person. The second was the white dress wedding.    Fun I love the orange top hat. Inside joke I might post the photo. Looking for a dress for my bride was an interesting adventure.    While my bride / wife and I were in the shop a young couple was in looking for a dress for the bride and maid of honor. Their significant others were with them but they took to me and kept asking for input on their dresses as well. Funny how everyone asks the blind guy how it looks or where it is.. I couldn’t see the dynamics of the dress but you could tell buy how they felt if they had the “one”, the dress, or not.

My wife is awesome. She found a dress in Kirkland that was amazing we all loved it. But 800 miles and a few pounds later for both of us that solution was no longer an option. We weren’t in a position to go back to Kirkland anyway so we found plan “B”. It seems to always be plan “B”. As with our co shoppers I couldn’t really see the dynamics of the dress or how it looks per se.    What I can see or feel is how my wife felt.   I could tell when she found the dress that she wanted to wear.   It had nothing to do how she looked but everything to do with how she felt to me.   When she felt beautiful and special that was the dress. The same thing with the vail the dress was off white and the when the right vail was placed on my wife’s head we both knew it immediately. She was beautiful. She still is. The ladies that were asking me my opinion of their ensemble pointed my wife and I to a Tuxedo rental place. The tux place was awesome it is a mother daughter business and they are very good at what they do. I couldn’t see the cloths but when we found a configuration of vest jacket etc. that worked it “just felt right”.  I wasn’t allowed to wear the orange top hat though. Too Bad.

I worked with a  fellow long ago who would say things like “it doesn’t feel right” or “it feels good”.    At the time I wanted to cut his cheesy mustache off.  Especially when I was presenting a really cool idea.  At least I thought so.   But I’ve taken this phrase away this sound bite aptly describes how I perceive the world visually.   It feels good.

I laugh when I get a hair cut.  The barbers are sometimes a little comedic at my expense.  I had one fellow in Toronto laugh a big wonderful belly laugh because I shaved my sideburns off.    SAM the barber if you get the chance he does great work. I don’t really get the sideburn concept but now know when I’m shaving. I only shave half way up my ear and not to the top.   It’s a hit and miss result.   I still cut the damn things off.

I have had to be taught to look good.    It means nothing to me.   I had one girlfriend who tossed all my cloths and got me new ones as I was supposed to be projecting an “image”.    I think that solution was a little extreme but I did learn a lot about presentation.   Not to mention all of my cloths were ratty. I worked on feeling good and feeling comfortable.    I still wear my tennis shoes to work but I feel good about it.     I’m sure its not appropriate but it works for me.

I feel fine.  Thank you

Posted in: Living
Kyle Bergum

About the Author:

Kyle has ocular albinism and has been legally blind since birth. Kyle leads a very active live and is besides his professional career involved in many projects for persons who are different.

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